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Sep
08

The Cementing Principle Of Marriage

By

The reason workmen always put tape or barriers around fresh cement is simple: anything that happens to that cement will be permanent.  If a cheeky kid writes their name or an inattentive jogger steps in it then it will forever bear that shape.  So workers are very careful about the way they leave their projects, knowing that this is the final form they want it to take.

Relationships are a the same when they cross that threshold into marriage.  Whatever things look like beforehand, they will probably resemble after, just more set that way.  If you find your man is not one to clean up after himself, that will not magically change with a ring on his finger.  Similarly, if you are a compulsive tidier, the chances are that you will still be following him around with a laundry hamper in ten years’ time.  Whatever patterns and behaviors have been established in your relationship and lives during the dating years will continue after the wedding, and quite possibly not just solidify but strengthen.

This means that you might want to look long and hard at how you and your prospective mate deal with these little issues between you, before they become serious sore spots.  While it may be cute at first that he is always rushing to iron a shirt before work in the morning, it won’t take many months for the novelty to wear off and it to become a source of frustration.  If something like this looks like it could become a point of conflict, it is better to address it sooner rather than later.  By and large, people don’t take well to being asked to change, least of all men.  So dealing with these ‘little things’ may not be easy.  That’s when you need to consider if they are going to be deal breakers, because once the cement sets, you have to live with it.

The other thing to consider is how flexible you are willing to be.  It’s a two-way street, the process of negotiating and accepting change.  If you are aware of habits and foibles you have that rub your partner up the wrong way, imagine the exponential frustration increase that five, ten or twenty years of it may cause.  Then consider whether you are willing to try to modify your own behavior to make life together easier.

Relationships are an ongoing work of communication and compromise.  However, once you commit to marrying, you are accepting the person ‘as is’ in many ways.  It’s not to say they can’t change, but it may be too late to discover that the one habit you can’t live with is the one that they can’t live without.  Be very careful that the cement sets in a shape you can spend the rest of your life with.  Learn what must know before trying to get your boyfriend to marry you

Sincerely,

Dan Kelly

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