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Apr
06

Giving Him Marriage Hints

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It is a strange thing to us guys when the women in our lives make random observations.  “Isn’t that a lovely dress?”  “Wow, I didn’t know it was so cheap to rent a horse drawn carriage!”  “Fall is just the prettiest time of year.  I think it is just so photogenic.”  “Did you know that flowers are cheaper if you buy them direct?”  They come out of no-where and just hang in the air waiting for a response that we can’t fathom.

Most guys will meet these kinds of comments with a mix of vague interest and mild confusion.  Those are all fascinating insights, but we have no idea what they mean.  Oftentimes they are those most insidious of feminine devices: hints.  What the girl in question wants to do is get her man thinking: dresses – carriages – photographs – flowers, and then join the dots to come up with a marriage proposal.  What will actually happen is he will mumble “Oh, yeah…” and then continue to ponder his team’s choices in the draft.

If you are hoping to get your man to start thinking about marriage, tell him so.  It sounds simple, but it’s guys we are dealing with here and simple is good.  Hints, by and large, don’t work.  They are either too subtle to get noticed or too passive-aggressive to get taken the way you want.  If you keep leaving Bride and Groom magazine on the coffee table, he is not going to go shopping for a ring.  He will just have more trouble finding the TV remote.  If you wanted him to consider popping the question, then let him know a little more honestly.  Some would argue that this introduces ‘pressure’ which guys will resent but it depends how you do it.  In reality, hints usually create more pressure because the unspoken expectation that we will decipher them creates friction.  Talking to him is just more direct.  If you can gently tell him that you want to start thinking about marriage, then he will at least know what the playing field is.  If that is a little too scary, then give him a heads-up as a precursor to the conversation.  If you are admiring a dress, tell him so but then let him know that it is the sort of dress you would like to wear someday.  Soon.  For him.  This Fall, preferably.  As hints go it’s pretty awful, but it will be a conversation starter and from there you can make your hopes and expectations known in a way that he will both be able to grasp and do something with.

Guys generally aren’t opposed to thinking through these things; oftentimes we just don’t know that we’re supposed to be.  So rather than exhaust yourself and frustrate him with endless cryptic hints, just try talking.  Be honest, be gentle but be direct.  And then start looking at dresses. Learn how to talk with your boyfriend about marriage

Sincerely,

Dan Kelly

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Paul’s Thoughts

Don’t put the horse before the carriage. Every time you give a guy a hint, you are putting marriage before you have even talked about it.  Most times a guy won’t pick up on what you mean by the hint.  He won’t understand that you want to get married, he will just see it as you wanting things like flowers, a nice dress, jewelry.  Then he will just end up resenting you because you are constantly talking about things you want him to get for you.

You must always remember communication is not about what you mean, it is about how the other person understood you.  With that said having a talk with your boyfriend about wanting to get married is difficult because you don’t want him to misinterpret what you say. At the same time you want to be able to make sure that you are making it clear that you want to get married and preferably in the near future.  Not 10 years from now, when he finally decides he might feel like it.  Learn how to talk with your boyfriend about marriage

Sincerely,

Paul Wright

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