Why Men Marry

Despite popular belief, men do want to get married. Discover what men need in order to take the next step into marriage with a woman.

How To Get Him To Propose

Listen to men reveal secrets that most men never want women to ever hear about how to get their boyfriend to go down on one knee and propose marriage to them

The Women Men Marry

Learn about the types of women men desperately want to marry and the types of women men will never even consider marrying

Author Archive

Jul
28

Two Things That Can Stop A Proposal

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Recently I was reading an article about the Russel Brand/Katy Perry divorce. Before you decide to stop reading this article hear me out first. Russel finally decided to open up about the reasons why he decided to file for divorce from the famous pop singer. Apparently the former career partier, recovering drug addict, alcoholic and sex addict had finally reached a point in his life where he no longer wanted to party. Russel Brand finally wanted to settle down with the woman he loved.

Here are the problems that caused the divorce:

1) Settling Down

After years of drinking, drugs, sex and parties, Russel (36 years of age) had come to a point in his life where he realized there was more to life then a good night of hard partying. He wanted to focus on a relationship and start a family.

Katy Perry (27 years of age) however, has not lived the same life as the experienced Russel Brand. At this stage in her life she is very focused on her career and having a good time in the hollywood night life. An idea of having children and settling down were the furthest from her mind.

Now the reason why I tell you this is because when a man is ready to finally settle down, get married and have children he will look for a woman who is ready to settle down as well. If he sees that you are not ready then he will become hesitant to propose, because he won’t want to end up like Russel & Katy.

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Check this out for more reasons why a man might become nervous and tentative about proposing
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2) Two Different Places In Life

A similar problem is that fact that Russel Brand and Katy Perry were in to different places in their life. Brand had experienced everything he ever wanted from drugs, drinking, rampant sex and partying. He had reached a new stage in his life, where he wanted more then just a night of clubbing.

Perry being 9 years Brand’s junior, had not had a chance to live that life, which apparently is something she really wants to do. A relationship is very hard to live with when one partner wants one kind of life and the other wants something different. Obviously these sorts of things should be discussed before you ever think of marriage.

This might be the reason why a boyfriend could be uncertain about putting that ring on your ringer. Perhaps he still wants to party, but that is not something you want anymore or you could be very focused on your career and he wants to have children. There are a million different reasons why the both of you might be at different places in your life, but one thing is for certain until the both of you get on the same page a proposal is probably not in the cards.

What is the best thing to do?

Have an open discussion with him. There is no need to bring up marriage, this conversation should just be about where you both are in life.
* Ask him what he wants in life in the next year and what he wants in the next five years
– What does he want with his career
– where does he want to live
– what kind of lifestyle does he want to have

* Then let him know what you want
* After that all you have to do is compare each others answers and make sure that you are either on the same page or at the very least heading in the same direction. Discover the secrets you need to know on how to get your boyfriend to propose

Sincerely,

Paul Wright

Apr
29

Searching For Mom

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Men want to marry their moms.  I’m sure you have heard that phrase before.  However, the reasons why men want to marry their mothers and why women believe they do, differ greatly.  Many women believe the reason is because men want to be babied and pampered their whole lives. For some men this is definitely true. There are a number of mamaboys, who will always be suckling at his mother’s breast no matter how old he is.  These men are easy to spot, they are constantly calling their moms, always checking in and can’t make a single decision without consulting with her.  These men are to be avoided like the plague, as you will never replace or even come close to being the number one women in his life.

For all other men who have a regular normal relationship with their mom, they are not looking to be pampered or babied.  The reason why they are looking for a woman like their mom to marry is because a man wants a woman like his mom to raise his children.  You see, most men think they are a good person, and they believe their parents did a decent job raising them.  Which is why they are a decent human being.  Now as a man, a guy knows he will do the best job he can to raise his children.  However, the woman he is with is an unknown factor.  Therefore, to better ensure that his future children are taken care of, a man looks for similar characteristics between a woman he is with and his mom.

There are lots of women these days who express zero motherly characteristics. If you love to party all night, drink like a fish, and constantly goofing off with your friends, don’t be surprised when he doesn’t recognize you as the mother type.  I’m not saying you can’t have fun in life, but the reason he might not have proposed yet is because he can’t see the potential mother in you.  It might be time to show him.

What is the best way to do this? Get to know his mom, see what she is like and recognize the similarities between the both of you.  Start expressing those similarities for him to see.  Notice how I said similarities, you don’t need to change yourself.  You just need to express similar characteristics, characteristics that you already have, but have not been overly evident up to this point.

A prime example of this would be Kevin and his wife Stacey.  Kevin and Stacey first met when Kevin was 30 and Stacey was 25.  While neither one of them was really thinking of marriage, Kevin started growing tired of the fact that Stacey always wanted to party, drink and have a good time.  She never really thought of anything else.  She never took life to serious and didn’t ever think about life further then the next weekend.  Wanting to become more serious Kevin felt this just wasn’t the type of woman he could do that with.

They didn’t see each other for seven years, but when they finally met again Kevin realized Stacey had completely changed.  She was done with all the partying and as Kevin described her “She had become the type of woman he would want to have a family with”  After only six months of dating Kevin proposed marriage and they now have two beautiful healthy children together.  While its true they were in different places in their lives when they first met, according to Kevin it was the fact that once he realized she would be a good mother he wanted to get married.  Discover more reasons as to why your boyfriend might be holding back his marriage proposal.

Sincerely,

Paul Wright

There is one common complaint that I hear from many of my married friends.  I won’t lie, I have even experienced this myself in past relationship.  Nothing in this world can feel more frustrating then when one of the partners is not pulling their weight.  I know I have said this before and I will say it again, men are looking for a partner to marry.  However, if you are not working with him to better each others lives, then he sees you as working against him and he won’t be likely to marry you.

**Before I continue with this article and I receive tons of hate mail, let me just state that I know there are men out there that do not pull their weight in relationships.  This is not a website dedicated to helping change men.  If you want a man to marry you then he must be pulling his weight somehow.  This website is dedicated to explaining why men are hesitant to propose marriage.  One reason for this might be the fact that the woman he is with is not pulling her weight.

Examples

With that said, let me show you a few examples of what I mean.

Steve’s Marriage

Steve is struggling to make ends meet, but its not for a lack of trying.  Steve works, 16 hours a day 7 days a week constantly wheeling and dealing.  He has turned over every rock he can find in an effort to produce a better revenue for his family. The global recession has hit him hard.  He has talked with this wife about her getting a job, but she doesn’t want to work she just wants to stay home and take care of the kids.

That is fine, I think raising children is the most important job in the world.  The confusing part is when the children are at school from 9 am – 3 pm, she doesn’t raise a finger around the house.  She reads her people magazine and watches tv.  You have to understand when you work 16 hours a day, 7 days a week and you are barely making any money, the anxiety, frustration and fear builds inside a man.  All he needs and wants is just a bit of a helping hand.

Someone preferably his wife to come along and say “I can see how hard you are working, make sure you take a break sweetie.  I made you a sandwich for lunch.  Its important to eat to keep up your strength.  Don’t worry about anything around the house, I have taken care of it so you stay focused on working.”

Does Steve’s wife say this? No, because Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are breaking up for the 20th time in people.

Ryan’s Marriage

Ryan was a highly successful businessman. Crushing million dollar deals like it was nothing. He was doing so well, his wife didn’t have to work, and they had a nanny to take care of their child, cook and clean for them. With the recession times are tough and Ryan can no longer afford to keep the nanny.  Especially when his wife is not working and capable of doing everything the nanny did, at least until things get better.  This would make sense spouses help to make life easier for each other, for the benefit of the family.

Well, this is just not the case.  Ryan’s wife refuses to cook or clean and doesn’t understand why Ryan just doesn’t hire the nanny back.  Everyday his wife orders take out, which just ends up spending more money they can’t afford to spend.  This woman isn’t a wife she is a leech.  If it wasn’t for the child they have together Ryan would leave her and now he feels stuck because he didn’t realize what kind of person she really was.  How does this hurt women like you?  Ryan tells every single male he comes across to “Never Get Married!”  He shares every detail of his married experience and how it has destroyed his life.

So now you have a bunch of men running around in fear that they will end up in the same nightmare that Steve and Ryan are in.  Being in a position where they are having a hard time supporting their families which is a very hard thing for a man to accept. The worst part is the person who is supposed to love and honor you, won’t even lift a finger to help during your time of need.  They won’t even give their husband the help he needs to be able to take care of his family.

I guarantee, your current boyfriend has probably heard about this kind of nightmare from at least 10 other men in his life.  So this fear is swimming in the back of his subconscious mind.  What you need to do is show him, that you are capable and more then happy to pull your weight in your relationship.  Show him you do not shy away from doing what needs to be done to make his life easier.  Help make his food, when he is working lots and doesn’t have time to cook for himself.  Are there little small jobs that you can help him with for his business? If so, jump on them and get them done.

If you help to make his life easier, he won’t be able to live without you.  If you make his life harder, he’ll be more then happy to never propose. Learn more about how to get your boyfriend to propose and understand the subconscious of the male mind in regards to marriage.

Sincerely,

Paul Wright

I once heard a saying “Women marry when they are in love, Men marry when the time is right”

I think it is very simplified by for the most part its true.  I hear from women all the time saying that they love their boyfriends and their boyfriends say they love them in return, but there is no sign of a marriage proposal.  I have loved a few women, but love is not enough to get me to marry a woman.  In fact I have had ex-girlfriends try to trick me into proposing to them, but a man needs more then love to make him want to propose.  While there are a number of factors, there are two key ones I want to focus on of this article.

1) A man will usually hold off until the time is right.  Most men will not propose to a woman when they are down on their luck.  A man feels like if he can not provide for and protect the woman he loves then he shouldn’t get married.  Its just not the right time.  If a man can not handle or take care of his own life, how will he be able to take care of the woman he loves.  In fact, marriage is just a constant reminder how he is not good enough.

If you love this man, he treats you the way you deserve, and you want a future with him don’t give up on him.  All he needs is to be in a place where he feels like he can protect you and provide for you.  Telling him that, that doesn’t matter to you, will not resolve this problem.  The only way you can overcome this situation is by getting him on his feet and in a position in life where he feels like he can be that kind of man for you.  Saying “I support you no matter what” doesn’t mean anything with a man.  You need to roll up your sleeves and give him the physical support that he needs.

If he is lacking sales for his new company, get out there and get him some new clients.  If he is spending all his time working on tiny side jobs instead of focusing on growing his business, take over doing some of those smaller jobs.  He isn’t happy with his job, redo his resume and show it to him so he can see how you see him and how proud you are of his accomplishments.  Most guys undersell themselves on resumes especially when they are feeling down.  A great self esteem booster is when he sees how you truly see him.  Once he is feeling confident, throw down some jobs that would be perfect for him. He needs to go back to school, but isn’t sure how he can get by, if he reduces the number of hours at work while he goes to school.

This brings me to my second point of what a man needs to get married, its true the right time is essential, but I hope you can tell he also needs a partner in life.

2) A Life Partner.  Most men understand that love tends to fade, and during rough patches love tends to evaporate.  What a man needs to see is that the woman they are with will be a partner.  A man has a ingrained desire to provide for and protect his wife, will she give him the physical support he needs to be the man he needs to be.

A marriage is about two people coming together and moving through life as one.  If a woman is only focused on her life, her job, her appearance, her hobbies, etc.  Then he is going to feel a little reluctant to want to commit to marriage, because when a rough patch hits your lives will you give him the support he needs or will you leave him.  A woman saying “I support you no matter what honey” mean nothing to a man.  He needs to see the physical support to understand you are his life partner.  To learn more about how you can show him you are the one.

Sincerely,

Paul Wright

Dec
19

No Fun; No Proposal

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I once dated a girl who was all about achieving.  She had been a top of her class student all the way, and had immense career prospects.  She was involved in a number of causes and community groups and was clearly going to change the world.  I, on the other hand, was an adequate achiever with modest goals and a slightly different outlook.  I wanted to do well at what I did and make a good living, but I didn’t feel the same sense of drive.  In fact, sometimes I liked to goof off.  I would look at work that needed to be done and the brilliant sun outside, shrug, and reason that while the work would be there tomorrow, this perfect day might not be.  She couldn’t agree sadly, and it was one of the reasons we parted ways.
One other factor was that sometimes I’m silly.  I get on well with children and am completely at home reading my niece stories, with funny voices and all.  I’ll get down on the floor and play dolls with her, and while her Cindy doll might make some cynical conversation (that goes right over my nieces head thankfully) I will give myself to it with abandon because it’s fun to do that.  I don’t even need children around for it.  But some women find that disconcerting.  It’s a little juvenile to want to stop in the toy aisle of the department store when you don’t have kids, and even more so to set up the army action figures in the dolls house for a tea party, but here’s a newsflash: a lot of guys actually like being a little juvenile and irresponsible sometimes.  Unfortunately, some women will disapprove, and make it known.
My message to them is, lighten up!  There will always be people who don’t have a crazy and reckless streak, but I think they are the exception, not the norm.  Most people I know like to blow off a little steam once in a while and I think it’s vital that for a guy to be considering sharing his life with some, he factors that in.  If the woman he is considering marrying can’t accept him being a little crazy every once in a while, then it is going to become a strain.  If he has to bottle up his childish instincts because his fiancé will scowl when he dashes through a neighbor’s sprinkler on their evening walk, he is not going to be a very relaxed guy eventually.  If any silliness – which lets off steam – is frowned upon, he’ll start to suffer stress because that is what a little childishness combats.
Instead I would say cultivate a little frivolity yourself.  It doesn’t mean you have to be immature or puerile all the time; just allow yourself to play sometimes.  When we laugh we feel good about ourselves and those we are laughing with.  It will draw you closer together to be able to have some fun, and you will become a part of the stress relief he probably needs from time to time.  If you can initiate it sometimes it will tell him that you are a good person to have around.
So pay attention to how your guy plays sometimes.  Take note of how his silliness emerges; is it dumb movies, goofing off with friends or being a little mischievous?  If he’s into practical jokes, get a feel for what the boundaries are and join him in it – maybe participating in one of his before trying your own.  Whatever you do, lighten up and have some fun with your guy, and he will want to experience more things in this world with you.  Discover the secrets to make your man to pop the question.

Sincerely,

Dan Kelly

Nov
21

Don’t Be A Bitch

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I was reading an article the other day where a woman advised women everywhere that the way to get men to commit to them was to be a bitch. I have to say that in my experience, no guy wants to marry that kind of woman. In fact, that usually kills a relationship rather than deepens it. However as I reflected on her writing I had to give her some credit – there was some truth in some of her less extreme assertions. I think I can meet her halfway; if you want to do more than amuse a guy for a while, at least be someone of substance.

That means you need to have a sense of yourself that isn’t dependent on him, or anyone else, and that you need to be willing to stand up on your own. When you start dating someone, it is only natural that you want to make a good impression. Unfortunately, too many women think that means making themselves into the model of everything he thinks he wants. He likes art? She becomes Ms. Postmodern Art Critic. He likes clubs? She becomes Miss Rave-All-Night. The problem is, after not too much of this, he will notice. He’ll start wondering how genuine she is, or at worst, how far he can push this super-compliant personality. A little later in the relationship boredom will set in and he will be making excuses for distancing himself.

However, if you know what you like and want, and aren’t looking to him to dictate it to you, there will be something about you that will keep his interest. He will find there is a you to discover for himself, and the contrasts between you will sharpen his attraction. This doesn’t mean you can’t make efforts to take an interest in what he likes or wants, it just means you don’t reshape your personality around his. On the other side, you don’t have to be harsh about it either. Being yourself doesn’t require you to shoot him or anyone else down in flames. Quiet strength is the best kind. Simply know that the best way to impress someone isn’t by molding yourself in their image but by being confident of your own.

So don’t think guys want to marry a ‘bitch.’ They don’t. But if they meet a confident girl who knows her own mind and isn’t afraid to make it known, they will make sure she doesn’t get away.  Discover more ways to show him you are the woman he has to marry

Sincerely,

Dan Kelly

 

Oct
31

Extravagant Proposals

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“When my boyfriend proposes, I want it to be somewhere special, like Paris or on top of the Empire State building.”  “I want my man to do something exciting and surprising when he proposes, like having a skydiver deliver the ring!”  “I hope my partner hires Brad Pitt to propose on his behalf…”  Okay, so maybe those ideas are a little far-fetched, but what woman doesn’t have an idea of how she wants the question to be popped?  It may be as vague as ‘something romantic’ or it may be detailed right down to the music she wants playing, but most girls have some sort of scenario in the back of their minds.  However, it is going to be a very big ask to have a guy meet those expectations if he doesn’t know what they are, and if she won’t help him.
Most girls play these fantasies out in their minds but don’t let on that this is what they hope and dream of.  It is a recipe for disappointment to want something but not communicate it to the one person who is supposed to provide it!  The second most important element is making it possible.  Once you have set aside fairytale ideas (sorry girls, I don’t think Brad Pitt does private gigs) you are left with some more or less realistic plans.  The idea then is to make them as workable as possible.  If you want to be whisked away somewhere romantic and exotic, make sure you have a current passport and a few free weekends.  If you want to do something exciting, make sure you are up for scuba diving or bungy jumping!  If you want to commit to a life together under the shadow of the Statue of Liberty, make yourself available for a trip to New York.  If you are scared of heights or unwilling to fly or too busy to get away for a few days, it is unfair to expect your guy to go to great lengths to fulfill your fantasy because quite simply, he can’t. By imagining scenarios you make too hard to play out you are conspiring against him!  Similarly, make sure he is able to cooperate.  If he can’t swim, a snorkeling adventure will be out, and if he is on call an overnight getaway may be impossible just now.
The proposal is just the start of the marriage journey, but if you want it to begin the right way, make sure you have let him know what that will look like and give him plenty of opportunities to get it right. Learn the secrets to get your boyfriend to pop the question.

Sincerely,

Dan Kelly

Oct
11

Why Don’t Men Want To Get Married?

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Here is a comment I received from a man who read my article Why Men Hold Off Getting Married.  Here is what he had to say about marriage:

Mark

Sorry, but men wouldn’t get married if society accepted long term cohabitation. Society pressures men into marriage. They do it for women, because men are biologically programmed to do whatever is necessary to mate.

What semi-intelligent man would enter into a contractual arrangement these days, knowing that over half of marriages end in divorce? Not to mention that women initiate divorce nearly 70% of the time, with the majority being ‘no fault’ divorces.

Men want to cohabitate, sans the financial and emotional devastation. A long-term relationship is identical to marriage. One has requires an expensive ring, ceremony and divorce court attorney, while the other requires only love and commitment. Guess which one this man is choosing?

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I’m actually really happy Mark decided to leave his comment, because he is voicing a very common opinion amongst men.  The benefits to getting married for a man are growing shorter each passing year.  Mark is also correct with his statistics, 50% of marriages will end in divorce and 70% of those marriages are initiated by women.

I have to admit, I was a little shocked when I learned that 70% of divorces were initiated by women.  When I read this my first thought was adultery or perhaps there were a lot of abusive husbands , but this isn’t the case at all.  70% of divorces initiated by women are due to “no fault,” meaning there has been no wrong doing by either party to break the marital contract.

Mark, also brings up a good point, that women expect a man to buy them an expensive ring (at least 3 months salary), and finance a wedding ceremony (minimum $10,000 for a cheap wedding) to prove their love.  Men on the other hand only ask for loyalty and commitment, when they walk down the aisle.  Don’t try to use the argument that the wedding is for the man as well.  We all know the wedding is for the woman and this is coming from a man who believes in marriage.

Don’t forget that a woman is also entitled to 50% of the man’s income after a divorce.  Independent upon the length of the marriage and/or whether or not the wealth was generated before or after the marriage.  Alimony was meant as a way to protect a housewife who had spent her time supporting her husband.  Since she was not working, but was supporting her husband in his endeavors his income was her income.  Therefore upon a divorce, half of his salary would have to go to support his ex-wife as this is what she has earned. I am in full belief of this principle.

However, with most women in the workforce today, this tends not to be the case anymore.  Yet, men continue to be fearful of getting married and losing half of their wealth to a woman that never helped them achieve it.  Hence the over usage of the prenuptial agreement.

The conclusion that many men are coming too is to just not get married.  Do you understand now why it is so hard to convince some men to get married?  Do you see why it is important to learn a man’s point of view on marriage, so you can understand what you need to do to convince a man to want to get married.  Stop trying to force men into wanting to get married. Instead learn what you need to do to combat these negative perceptions about marriage, so your boyfriend will want to propose.

Sincerely,

Paul Wright

Sep
28

One Reason Why Men Marry

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I know that marriage is supposed to be about falling in love and wanting to spend the rest of your life with the person you love.  Therefore, if your boyfriend loves you he should automatically want to marry you.  Well I’m here to tell you, love is only one of the reasons why men get married.

One of the big reasons why men marry is because the person they are with is an amazing partner. Let’s look at some of the things that make up a good life partner for a man:

  • A partner is someone that works with them to create a life. A future that they both can enjoy and look forward to living each and every day.  Not just someone who is pretty and believes they are special.  There are lots of beautiful women in this world and everybody is special because we are all unique.  At least that is what they taught us in elementary school.
  • Someone who supports him no matter what.  Its easy to find a person who is willing to support someone during the good times.  Ask yourself, you would be willing to stay and support him, If he lost his job, had no income and was completely bankrupt?  Would you be willing to support him both financially and emotionally?
  • Are you a calming, relaxing and loving environment to be around?  Work is a constant source of stress, so coming home to you is supposed to be a calm environment where he can re-energize for the next day.  If you are a constant emotional roller coaster, that is a complete drain on him, there is a large chance he will not marry you.
  • Do you help to make his life easier? Do you give him the support and helping hand he needs to achieve his goals? This does not mean he should not help and support you, but you need to look at whether you really give him the helping hand he needs.  The simplest way to do this is to look at whether his life is easier with you in it or if it is easier for him to be single. Would he have more money in his account without you?  Would he have more time to focus on his business, hobbies or the things he really enjoys?  Would he be less stressed?

These are just a few of the factors that make up a good partner and will influence him to look at marriage more seriously.  There is one thing I continuously hear in every speech a successful man gives and that is “I would not be where I am, if it was not for my loving wife.”  Love didn’t help to get the man to where he is. It was the fact that his loving wife was an amazing partner who helped support him in doing what he needed to do to succeed.  She was that extra helping hand that he needed.  She was the partner in life, that he had been looking for.

Partnership is something every man looks for and needs in a marriage. Learn how to talk to your boyfriend about getting married

Sincerely,

Paul Wright

Sep
08

The Cementing Principle Of Marriage

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The reason workmen always put tape or barriers around fresh cement is simple: anything that happens to that cement will be permanent.  If a cheeky kid writes their name or an inattentive jogger steps in it then it will forever bear that shape.  So workers are very careful about the way they leave their projects, knowing that this is the final form they want it to take.

Relationships are a the same when they cross that threshold into marriage.  Whatever things look like beforehand, they will probably resemble after, just more set that way.  If you find your man is not one to clean up after himself, that will not magically change with a ring on his finger.  Similarly, if you are a compulsive tidier, the chances are that you will still be following him around with a laundry hamper in ten years’ time.  Whatever patterns and behaviors have been established in your relationship and lives during the dating years will continue after the wedding, and quite possibly not just solidify but strengthen.

This means that you might want to look long and hard at how you and your prospective mate deal with these little issues between you, before they become serious sore spots.  While it may be cute at first that he is always rushing to iron a shirt before work in the morning, it won’t take many months for the novelty to wear off and it to become a source of frustration.  If something like this looks like it could become a point of conflict, it is better to address it sooner rather than later.  By and large, people don’t take well to being asked to change, least of all men.  So dealing with these ‘little things’ may not be easy.  That’s when you need to consider if they are going to be deal breakers, because once the cement sets, you have to live with it.

The other thing to consider is how flexible you are willing to be.  It’s a two-way street, the process of negotiating and accepting change.  If you are aware of habits and foibles you have that rub your partner up the wrong way, imagine the exponential frustration increase that five, ten or twenty years of it may cause.  Then consider whether you are willing to try to modify your own behavior to make life together easier.

Relationships are an ongoing work of communication and compromise.  However, once you commit to marrying, you are accepting the person ‘as is’ in many ways.  It’s not to say they can’t change, but it may be too late to discover that the one habit you can’t live with is the one that they can’t live without.  Be very careful that the cement sets in a shape you can spend the rest of your life with.  Learn what must know before trying to get your boyfriend to marry you

Sincerely,

Dan Kelly