Archive for August, 2011
I know it may seem hard to believe, but it is a very real truth. If a man does not have a stable career, he will actually postpone his marriage proposal. What you have to understand about men is they have no major worries in life before they get married. They pay rent, buy food and have some extra money for entertainment and a guy is good. Its a pretty worry free life.
Once a man gets married, everything in his life changes. This is the moment when he begins to worry. Making enough money to pay rent and drink beer with his friends is not enough. He is now responsible for the both of you and it doesn’t matter if you work as well, because he is only thinking about what he can contribute. Men never assume they will be sharing your money. Don’t forget that once you are married, it won’t be long before children arrive. So add in another two or three worries. If he can barely take care of himself, having to take of a family will be an impossible feat for him.
This man is going from living a carefree life to suddenly being responsible for the lives of an entire family. If a man does not have a solid career, it will make him feel extremely uneasy about taking on that kind of responsibility. He won’t feel ready for it and will therefore try to avoid any discussions of it. Any talk of marriage will register as a direct attack on his manhood. You see, a real man is capable of raising, protecting and supporting their family, something he at this time is not capable of doing. Bringing up marriage just brings up the idea, in his mind that he is not a man. His only defense is to avoid any talk of marriage and if talks continue, then to become extremely upset and pull away. Very few men will ever admit that they don’t feel man enough to get married.
Of course, many women say “But he has a stable career!” Well, his career may be stable, but that doesn’t mean he is happy in it. I know lots of guys who have jobs that just pay the bills, but everyday is an up at dawn pride swallowing siege. Since they don’t have any responsibilities they can leave this job at any time and hopefully find something better. It is this idea that keeps them going. However, if they were to get married, this terrible job that they hate, would likely become a permanent position. One they would be forced to stay in.
Instead of pressuring him for a proposal, try asking him about his job. Is he happy in it? How does he feel about his job security? Is this what he wants to do or is there another field he would like to go into? Listen to him, find out what he wants and then help him get it. I mean sit down with him, tell him how much faith you have in him and help him to organize himself to get the type of job he wants. Try to find those types of opportunities, help him apply or get the training so he can apply. A man would be hard pressed not to marry the woman who got him to where he is. On the other hand, no man will ever marry a demanding woman, who cares little about his stress and only wants to get married.
This is just one of many obstacles you will have to overcome in getting your boyfriend to propose. If you don’t handle them the right way, he won’t even think of popping the question. Instead you need to learn how a man’s mind works, in order to get him to want to marry you
Last weekend my cousin had a beautiful wedding to her boyfriend of 2 years. It was a Big Fat Greek wedding, with lots of people, food and dancing. It was really nice to see and I hope my cousin and her new husband will have all the happiness in the world.
The funny thing about the wedding was my brother was asked to MC the reception and the bride and groom asked that the time allocated to the speeches be limited to only 20 minutes. That doesn’t mean 20 minutes for each person, they only wanted 20 minutes for all the speeches. When my brother told them this was unrealistic, they conceded and felt 25 minutes would be more realistic. Well after all the heartfelt speeches had been completed, the total time had run into the 2 hour range. Hopefully it didn’t throw off their plans too much.
Long gone are the days when the father of the bride, best man and groom speaks. Now everybody seems to want to have a speech at a wedding these days. At this wedding the father of the bride, best man, two maids of honor, a good friend of the bride, a good friend of the groom, a few friends of the family, and some single people shopping for potential mates all had a chance behind the microphone.
There was one speech that made a really good point and that was by the father of the groom. He said “Love is when a man and woman become one. The trouble starts when you try to figure out which one.”
I really liked that because I do see that a lot in current relationships. In the beginning everybody is madly in love and happy that they are one with their partner. Then as time goes on, people try to figure out who they are in the relationship and start trying to re-establish a new identity and want their partner to mold into this identity. Its the forcing a partner into a new identity that they never signed up for. Keep an eye out for this because forcing a man into a new identity is not something he is going to like. If he asked you to marry him, its because he is happy with the way things are now! Change that and he might not be so happy.
One good idea that my cousin had was to have the wedding cake made into cupcakes, so they wouldn’t have to cut the cake. Everybody could just take a cupcake and better yet have different options chocolate or vanilla, depending on what people like.