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Archive for April, 2011


Men’s Marriage Fears: Nightmare 1

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Men can become very hesitant when it comes to marriage because of certain marriage nightmares that keep them awake at night.  While we may not experience these nightmares personally, this does not stop us from seeing these nightmares first hand with friends, family members and even on tv.  I have decided to release these nightmares that swim around deep down in a man’s subconscious mind that can prevent him from proposing marriage.

The first thing you must understand about men is that a Man loves a woman for who they are now.  If a man is with you then he really does like you for who you are, inside and out.  Exactly how you are! While you may see flaws all over your body, he sees perfection.  With that said men are constantly afraid of what their partner might turn into, especially when that ring is put on her finger.

As people get older we change and grow, but some people transform into a completely different person all together.  Sometimes it can be for the better, other times it is for the worst.  Its the fear a woman may turn into a complete nightmare that scares men. A prime example of a marriage nightmare is Kate Gosselin from the tv show Jon and Kate plus eight.  While I am not saying Jon is completely innocent within the relationship,  Kate’s behavior towards Jon is some of the worst I have ever seen.

Kate would yell, scream, nag and continuously treat Jon like a child.  In fact by the end of the show, I don’t think I ever saw her talk to him in a civil manner.  There was even one moment when it was just the two of them talking to the camera and Kate spazzes at Jon for breathing.  How a person can get upset over someone else breathing is beyond me, but she did.

Kate showed him little to no respect and emasculated him continuously.  Then Kate is shocked when Jon filed for divorce. I’m sure when Kate and Jon were dating she was a very nice sweet woman, but eventually over time with 8 children, stress from work and life in general she slowly turned into a nagging, annoying, whining, crying, hag!  Everything a man fears a woman will turn into when he marries her.

This isn’t an isolated incident, as stated on MSN.com “It takes a certain kind of charmer to get fired off a show before it even begins, and that’s just what happened to Kate Gosselin (aka the most obnoxious woman on television). Tapped as a potential co-host for a “View” style talk show called “Momlogic,” Gosselin alienated the producers with her unpleasant public behavior (including her split from husband Jon) and got axed in the process. Sadly, this setback didn’t keep her off TV: we had to endure her on “Dancing with the Stars” (where she allegedly pushed to have her pro partner fired, despite the fact that he carried her dead weight through each weekly routine).”

As I said before, everybody changes with time, but since a man loves you for who you are now, he truly hopes that you will still somewhat resemble the person he fell in love with 40 years from now.  This is one of the reasons guys like to date for longer periods of time, because we want to see how much you will change personality wise over a few years.  If a bad change is significant then that means you have the potential to become a Kate.  I know that marriage should be about loving that person, but no man in his right mind wants to end up with a Kate.  If you want to get married to your boyfriend you have to put his mind at ease that you will never ever become a Kate.  Learn the steps you need to know to Get Your Boyfriend To Marry You


Paul Wright




Giving Him Marriage Hints

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It is a strange thing to us guys when the women in our lives make random observations.  “Isn’t that a lovely dress?”  “Wow, I didn’t know it was so cheap to rent a horse drawn carriage!”  “Fall is just the prettiest time of year.  I think it is just so photogenic.”  “Did you know that flowers are cheaper if you buy them direct?”  They come out of no-where and just hang in the air waiting for a response that we can’t fathom.

Most guys will meet these kinds of comments with a mix of vague interest and mild confusion.  Those are all fascinating insights, but we have no idea what they mean.  Oftentimes they are those most insidious of feminine devices: hints.  What the girl in question wants to do is get her man thinking: dresses – carriages – photographs – flowers, and then join the dots to come up with a marriage proposal.  What will actually happen is he will mumble “Oh, yeah…” and then continue to ponder his team’s choices in the draft.

If you are hoping to get your man to start thinking about marriage, tell him so.  It sounds simple, but it’s guys we are dealing with here and simple is good.  Hints, by and large, don’t work.  They are either too subtle to get noticed or too passive-aggressive to get taken the way you want.  If you keep leaving Bride and Groom magazine on the coffee table, he is not going to go shopping for a ring.  He will just have more trouble finding the TV remote.  If you wanted him to consider popping the question, then let him know a little more honestly.  Some would argue that this introduces ‘pressure’ which guys will resent but it depends how you do it.  In reality, hints usually create more pressure because the unspoken expectation that we will decipher them creates friction.  Talking to him is just more direct.  If you can gently tell him that you want to start thinking about marriage, then he will at least know what the playing field is.  If that is a little too scary, then give him a heads-up as a precursor to the conversation.  If you are admiring a dress, tell him so but then let him know that it is the sort of dress you would like to wear someday.  Soon.  For him.  This Fall, preferably.  As hints go it’s pretty awful, but it will be a conversation starter and from there you can make your hopes and expectations known in a way that he will both be able to grasp and do something with.

Guys generally aren’t opposed to thinking through these things; oftentimes we just don’t know that we’re supposed to be.  So rather than exhaust yourself and frustrate him with endless cryptic hints, just try talking.  Be honest, be gentle but be direct.  And then start looking at dresses. Learn how to talk with your boyfriend about marriage


Dan Kelly


Paul’s Thoughts

Don’t put the horse before the carriage. Every time you give a guy a hint, you are putting marriage before you have even talked about it.  Most times a guy won’t pick up on what you mean by the hint.  He won’t understand that you want to get married, he will just see it as you wanting things like flowers, a nice dress, jewelry.  Then he will just end up resenting you because you are constantly talking about things you want him to get for you.

You must always remember communication is not about what you mean, it is about how the other person understood you.  With that said having a talk with your boyfriend about wanting to get married is difficult because you don’t want him to misinterpret what you say. At the same time you want to be able to make sure that you are making it clear that you want to get married and preferably in the near future.  Not 10 years from now, when he finally decides he might feel like it.  Learn how to talk with your boyfriend about marriage


Paul Wright

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