Archive for March, 2011
Women always ask themselves one question whenever their boyfriend doesn’t seem that interested in getting married, “Why won’t he propose to me?” As with many things that we face in life, most people tend to look at it from their own point of view. A woman could been in a relationship for 3 years, and the relationship doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. Not to mention the window for having children is closing and the guy doesn’t seem to be motivated to start a family. All any woman would want to know is why he won’t propose, but he refuses to even talk about marriage.
I’m sure some of this sounds a bit familiar. The problem that is not being addressed is that there are two people in this relationship. I’m going to go on the assumption that if you are wanting him to propose that he must be a decent guy, who takes care of your needs. So with that in mind, while you are thinking “Why won’t he propose to me?” what you should be asking yourself is “Why would he propose to you?” Instead of just thinking about marriage from your point of view, try understanding marriage from his. You need to honestly look at yourself and your relationship. Ask yourself what do you as the second half of this relationship really bring to the table?
When a man is dating a woman, he will look at his relationship and ask himself “Why would I propose to her?” The simple answer to that question is are his needs as a man being met in the relationship. I know that doesn’t sound very politically correct, but just as a woman must have her feminine needs met, so does a man. If his needs are not being met, there is no motivation to get married.
You see, if his needs are not being met 2 or 3 years into the relationship, then that means (in his mind) that 10 or 20 years later his needs are definitely not going to be met. Why get married now to someone who doesn’t give him everything he wants, when he could potentially meet someone who will meet all of his needs at any time.
There are two things you must understand:
1) A man will stay in a relationship that he is not completely happy with. He will wait to see if someone better might come along.
2) A man will never tell you that he is dissatisfied with the relationship and he will say he is perfectly happy if you ever ask him. Why? Most women get extremely angry when a man says he is not satisfied, so its best to lie and avoid the argument.
One of the best ways to motivate a man into marriage is to show him that you can satisfy his needs. This does not mean you have to cook and clean 24/7, become like his mom or service his every desire. Just as you need your feminine desires and needs taken care of, so does he need his masculine needs taken care of. Remember this is a partnership, since your here I’m going to guess he does a good job in taking care of your needs. I on the other hand, have never met a man who was with a woman who took care of all of his needs and refused to marry that woman. I have met lots of men who refused to marry a woman who did not think of a man’s needs, but was overly concerned about getting married. Before you blame him for not wanting to take the relationship to the next stage, maybe you should be asking yourself if you have motivated him enough to want to get married. Discover what a man needs in order to get married
Why is it that once the decision to marry is made, the relationship sometimes becomes less harmonious, rather than more? Two words cover it I think: Wedding preparations.
I would like to share a secret about us guys. Generally speaking, we cannot tell the difference between Spanish White and Old Ivory. Or beige. Or off-white. Or egg shell. In fact, if a color doesn’t appear on a football jersey or traffic light, it may as well not exist. Asking us to make a distinction between two variations of white is probably not going to work out, and expecting us to care that there is as difference is even less likely to succeed. So when it comes to broaching the subject of wedding plans, hoping your man will get involved in choosing the paper for the invitations is going to end in frustration for both of you. While he will make every effort to show an interest, for many guys it is exactly that – an effort. Such a situation can lead to stress for both parties, when she feels he doesn’t care about the preparations, and he doesn’t get what the big deal is about paper anyway.
What is really happening has little to do with how much anyone cares, but with how they operate. Most guys are ‘headline’ oriented and not particularly detail minded. We usually focus on the big picture, considering the major points of action but not really spending a lot of time dotting ‘i’s or crossing ‘t’s. We are problem solvers at heart and will want to work out logistics, but not aesthetics. So the color of the paper is irrelevant to us. However, if someone was to ask us to work out the cheapest and fastest way to distribute the invitations, then our attitude would be completely different. It is about recognizing the different strengths you both have and playing to them. If he is interested in deciding the flowers for the altar arrangement, by all means include him. But if not, why would you put him through that? Instead, enjoy the freedom to do it yourself, or with Mom or your girlfriends. Come back to him with your preference (he will likely agree) and then maybe you can hand over the problem of ordering and arranging delivery to him. Whether it is invitations or transport, his attention will be best held by logistics and need, rather than details and decoration. Don’t hold it against him, just recognize the inclination and work with it. You may well find that instead of bumps in the road, the preparations actually make things smoother both leading up to and beyond the wedding.