Why Men Marry

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Archive for January, 2011


Setting The Bar For A Proposal

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Some people like to tell the stories about their relationships.  You know the ones – how they met, the first date, the proposal.  I tend to stay a little quiet on the last one, as it is a source of embarrassment for me.  You see, if someone asks how I proposed to my wife, she is quick to jump in and point out that technically, I didn’t.  It wasn’t that she did the deed; I just did a lousy job of it.  After a night out where we had discussed the future of our relationship, we were still talking as we drove home.  Sensing what we were on the verge of deciding, but unsure if I was reading it right, the conversation went like this:

Me: So would you?
: What?
Me: Marry me.
: Are you asking me?
Me: I think I am…

I am ashamed that I didn’t do a better job, and she regrets not replying with, “Maybe you should ask me and find out!” but it’s in the past now, and happily the marriage is going better than the proposal.  But for many guys, the idea of proposing comes with a lot of baggage.  Hollywood hasn’t helped us by painting the picture of lavish gestures and extreme declarations of eternal love.  Honestly, most guys would love to book the Air Force Display Team to sky-write our proposal, but it is unlikely to happen.    However, if we think that we are expected to do that, then we’re probably going to stall the whole process while we think through who we know with access to jet fighters.  If we feel that there is some great pressure to do something outstanding, then we may just avoid the exercise altogether rather than risk messing up something that is seen to be so important.

This means two things for women waiting for that vital question.

1) Moderate your hopes and expectations by the realities of your relationship.  You don’t have to toss out every thought of romance; just don’t set the bar too high.  Let your man know that this moment is one you want to remember, but also that it doesn’t need to make the front page of the New Yorker as well.  If he is not in the top wage bracket, don’t dream of balloon flights or weekends in Paris.  Similarly, if he isn’t the sensitive sort, poetry and moonlit dinners in the desert are unlikely to happen either.

2) Remember that the proposal is a means to an end.  What matters isn’t how spectacular the occasion is, but what it signifies.  If he is asking you to marry him, what will matter in five, ten or fifty years is the relationship that came about through it, not what was happening when he asked.

Most importantly, communicate this stuff to your guy.  If he is under the impression that you are waiting for him to sign-write the moon, he will break out in a sweat whenever marriage is discussed.  However, if he knows what you really find important is having a beautiful relationship, with an amazing life together with little concern about how to get there, then the pressure will be off and the possibility that the wedding will be on is that much higher.

There are ways to help a man realize that he has nothing to worry about and that he should feel completely secure within your relationship to take the next step ===> Getting Him To Propose


Dan Kelly

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If you have ever been in a long term committed relationship for a number of years, eventually you will begin to think about the idea of getting married.  For most women the confusion comes from the man in their life.  He just doesn’t seem to be interested or motivated in moving the relationship forward. Even though you may want to get married, you have to remember it takes two to walk down that aisle.  So if a man has no interest in ever getting married to the woman they are with, why do they even bother staying in the relationship?

Well its true a man will stay in a relationship even if he knows its not going to go anywhere. To understand why you have to understand how men think and how they view relationships.

Three common types of long term committed relationships men have:

1) He is in a very unhappy relationship. He doesn’t get along with his partner or maybe his needs are not being met. Either way he is not happy, most guys will leave the relationship, some guys might actually stick around just for sex on a regular basis.

2) He is in a very happy relationship. He is in love, his needs are being met, he feels respected and appreciated in the relationship and has absolutely no complaints. His girlfriend inspires him to be a better man and this makes him want to get married to this woman and spend the rest of his life with her.

3)The third type of relationship for men is in between an unhappy relationship and a very happy relationship. He is happy enough to be in a long term committed relationship but not happy enough to make it a permanent part of his life.  Basically he is just comfortable in the relationship and too lazy to make any changes.  There is nothing inspiring him to make a change.  Right now he is in a holding pattern, he is waiting either for things to change in the relationship for the better or he is waiting for someone better to come along that will inspire him to leave the relationship.

At this point in the relationship it isn’t so bad where he can’t stand spending time with you and needs to end it.  At the same time he isn’t happy enough in the relationship to want to commit to you for the rest of his life.  Remember the rest of his life is a very long time.  He needs to be inspired into a big decision like getting married.

So why would a man stay in a relationship if he doesn’t plan on getting married? Well first you have to understand its not that he hasn’t planned to get married, its that he has not been inspired by the relationship he is in to want to get married. Also take into consideration that just because you might be really happy in the relationship does not mean he is.  As I stated before he might not be that happy in the relationship. If he is not happy in the relationship, he will definitely not want to propose.

Why would he stick around?

Hope, fear and sex. Most men genuinely hope that even if they are not in a perfectly happy relationship that something will happen that will change to make it better.  Does this mean he will change to make it better probably not but he is waiting for something.

Another factor that plays on his mind is that he might not be able to find a better partner.  Men can be afraid that they will remain alone for the rest of their life.  He might be staying in the relationship just in case he never finds a person that is a better match.

Lastly is sex.  Yes a man will stick around a relationship that is going nowhere and isn’t that amazing if it means he can have regular sex.  If he breaks up with you then it means no sex.  For many men, having sex in an unhappy relationship is far better then not having any sex.  Not to mention, its just much easier and more comfortable to stay in the relationship.

Now this is not the reason why all men are in relationships, but if you have been in a relationship with your man for a number of years and he has absolutely no interest in getting married, then the problem is he has not been inspired enough to make that decision.  If you want to learn more on how to get inspire your partner so he wants to get married and believes it was his idea all along check out ===>How To Get Your Man To Want To Marry You


Paul Wright


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